May I Take Your Order?
by obsidianLight16
Summary: Trying to order a pizza in a taxi crowded with ten people was a bad idea to start with. AU


**A/N: In modern times. No real plot- just giving it a try rather than my usual humor fics :D**

**Warning: Language, OOC...**

**Disclaimer: No one belongs to me- I thought it mught be obvious by now... lol**

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><p>"So," Pein held a cell phone in one hand, looking at the hungry mob of teens in front of him. They had all crammed into a taxi- no small feet for the group of nine- and now a massive wave of body heat was rising off of their rubbing bodies, causing the irritation level among them to go off the charts.<p>

"Are you going to fucking call or not?" Hidan snapped, limbs splayed awkwardly in several people's faces.

"Take it easy," Pein said. "We're missing someone. Deidara I think."

"I'm pretty sure we threw him in here somewhere..." Zetsu thoughtfully muttered.

"Oh please," Itachi scowled, ruining his normally passive features. "It doesn't take _ten _people to order four pizzas."

"Apparently it does," Kisame snorted.

Itachi roughly noogied him.

Hidan glanced down at Sasori who was calmly lying underneath him. "Hey- get out the taxi and fetch your boyfriend."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "He's not my boyfriend. And Deidara's been sitting on your other side all along bimbo," he muttered.

Hidan looked at Deidara with narrowed eyed. "Why didn't you speak up when we fucking called for you?"

Deidara obnoxiously popped a gum bubble. "Because I didn't have to un."

"Bitch."

"Dumbo."

"Fucking transvestite."

"No dick."

"Ladies, ladies," Kakuzu interrupted. "Calm down and shut the hell up already."

They both glared.

Pein held up a hand. Or tried to. "OK- quiet. I'm going to call now."

It was amazing how well a group of hungry kids listened.

_Ring…Ring…Ring…_

"_-Hello, Patty's Pizza, how may I help you?"_

Pein smiled. "Hi- I'd like to order four large pizzas-"

"I want a pepperoni!" Tobi shouted.

A few annoyed glances were sent his way.

"Well I want plain cheese," Itachi said.

"Boring as always," Kakuzu sniffed. "Sausage for me."

Deidara scoffed. "Yeah- we know."

Kakuzu glared as several snickers came from the others.

"_Hello?"_

Pein held a hand over the receiver with some trickery, staring at whoever he could. "All of you aren't getting your own pizza you know," he told them.

"Can I get a burger?" Deidara asked over the rising arguments.

Sasori hummed. "Me too. With some fries."

Hidan sent them scathing glares. "You're not eating fast food you fatasses."

"_Um- hello? Anyone there?"_

"I want Chinese now," Itachi mumbled.

"Sushi," Kisame and Zetsu said in unison.

Hidan shoved a few bodies out of his way to clap his hands. "Excuse me, excuse me, but as the leader of this stupid-ass group, I say we go out and get some healthy salads."

"Not like it's gonna make _you _lose weight un," Deidara sneered. "Fucking Moby Dick."

Hidan gave the blonde an offended look and a slap upside the head. "Look QueenMcBitch, not everyone's trying to get goddamn heartburn at the age of twelve."

"I'm _fifteen_."

"Same difference dipshit. And everyone here is well out of kiddy school and in college 'cept for you, so you can shove your attitude up your bratty ass," Hidan scowled.

Deidara scowled right back. "Shut the fuck up. You hardly act like an adult hmm."

"What!"

"He has a point," Zetsu uttered.

"Yeah- Deidara's way more mature than you," Kakuzu said, just to irk his friend.

"In fact, I think Tobi is too," Itachi added.

"Fuck you all!"

Pein closed his eyes in annoyance. "You guys…"

"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP AND ORDER YOUR FUCKING PIZZA SO I CAN DRIVE IN PEACE!" their taxi driver screamed at the top of her lungs, slamming the brakes at a red light.

Conversations ceased.

"Whoa…scary bitch driving," Hidan muttered.

"No kidding," Deidara muttered back.

"..."

The light turned green and they slowly started moving again.

Pein cleared his throat. "I don't think that's the proper way to speak to your passengers," he informed the woman.

"And I think you should shut your goddamn mouth before I do it for you," the driver seethed, her grip tightening on the wheel.

"_Damn_," Kisame whistled.

Pein inwardly huffed, going back to his phone. "Sorry about all that, I would like to-"

"_-Beeeepppppppppp-"_

Pein sighed, flipping his phone shut and shoving it in the depths of his jean pockets. "Great. Can't even order a pizza with you guys…"

"Shit. Can't even drive with you idiots in my car," the driver mocked him.

"What is your problem woman?" Pein snapped at her.

"My name is Konan and I enjoy pissing off my customers," Konan said with a friendly smile. "You're at your stop. That'll be five-hundred and twenty bucks."

Pein's eyebrow quirked. "We only drove three blocks."

"Whatever." Konan took the ten dollar bill he offered as everyone tumbled out the taxi and onto the ground outside. She scribbled on it, crumpled the bill into a ball, and then chucked it at Pein's head before driving off.

Kisame came up beside him as he stared down the disappearing taxi. If looks could kill…

"Well don't stand around and waste good money," Kakuzu grouched, bending over to pick up the bill.

Hidan and Tobi wolf-whistled.

"Oh shut up," Kakuzu muttered, uncrinkling the money. His eyebrows shot high up on his forehead. "Uh…Pein, I think this is for you."

Pein took the bill he held out with a raised brow.

'_Call me if you ever need a ride'_

"Er-" Deidara leaned over the man's much taller shoulder. "I guess that means free rides for all of us then un?"

Tobi threw his arm up into the air. "Hooray!"

The group exchanged a collective glance before bursting out into laughter, Pein flushing a deep red.

"You're surprisingly naïve when it comes to things like this," Itachi commented, dragging the blonde away before Pein could whack him.

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><p><strong>AN: Which makes no sense seeing as he implied Kakuzu likes 'sausage'...**

**Oh well!**


End file.
